Books You Wouldn't Wish On Your Worst Enemy

[3FrenchToast]

I'm glad that someone pointed out that nonfiction should belong on this list as well. I have only read a handful of truly terrible novels, and I think much of that dislike was due to being forced to read them in high school or college. John Edgar Wideman's Philadelphia Fire is a sort of experimental thing I had to read this semester and it was awful. No semblance of plot at all, no consistency of character, just a really long experiment in existentialism that may have been meaningful if it made any sense. Any sense at all. Parts of it were well-written. You'd get a paragraph or a page that was really interesting only to have it completely abandoned for some more self-congratulating blaringly obvious metaphors.

Other than that, though, I've got to say that the pain of reading history books cannot be matched by most bad novels. I have begun to think that it's a prerequisite for history writers to suck at writing before they can publish a book. I understand that they aren't novelists, but certainly some attention to plot or characterization wouldn't kill them, since they're often dealing with more interesting plots and characters than any novelist can dream of. History should be illuminating, witty, and fun. Instead it is droll and utter dreck. The reason I just graduated with a degree in history and English is because I took an English class and was like, "Hey, wait a minute. Books are good!" I have always loved reading but my rediscovered love of the written word is a direct result of the complete crap that fills most modern history books, even the ones that are written to be popular. Give me literature or give me death.

[MasterThief]

Most of the stuff I read in my high school literature classes was utter crap (yes, Mayor of Casterbridge, A Light in August, Catcher in the Rye, All Quiet on the Western Front, The Scarlet Letter, Portrait of the Artist As a Young Man, and a whole slew of bowdlerized and bastardized abridgements in an anthology.) There were only four books that I read there that I enjoyed: Golding's Lord of the Flies, Huxley's Brave New World, Bradbury's Fahrenheit 451 and David Brin's The Postman. SciFi Geek in training?

Fortunately, I took AP literature so I placed out of English courses in college. God only knows what kind of dreck I would have had to put up there. Ever seen a physics major (my roommate) try to stumble through The Color Purple? Not a pretty sight.

As for non-fiction, I reserve a special place for 99.9% of "philosophy," from Socrates on. But a special special place is reserved for Nietzche and Kant, both of which I suffered through (respectively, Thus Spoke Zarathustra and Perpetual Peace.)

[ytimynona]

TTFN

I had to read it for my college writing class, and it drove me nuts because it doesn't accurately represent IMspeak and because the subject matter is NOT what I would want my preteen (the apparent target audience) reading!!!

[gaygeek]

I would nominate Battlefield Earth (whcih at one point equated homosexuality with cannibalism (in the land of degenerate types (in Africa))) and also add A Separate Peace. God I hated that latter book. Yes the ultra cool roommate guy wore a pink shirt and the author/narrator had a massive crush on the dude. But carrying on and sighing abount 20 to 30 years later is just pathetic.
Oh, and Anthem by Ayn Rand. As for my view of that piece of work, just imagine one of Carol Burnett's old 'yuck, pewie' gags. At least it was merciless short.

[domynoe]

Any book by Laurel K. Hamilton after the first 4 or 5 Anita Blake books. The Merry books were purely for the sex -- no such thing as a plot, and the later Anita Blake books ended up with editing errors, bloat, and characters that no longer made any sense.

The Kushiel books. They may have had a plot, but it was buried under the paragraphs and paragraphs and even more paragraphs of world building she had to show off. I couldn't even finish the first one.

There are some others, but most of them fall into the sexy romance with a plot but with the sexy part not making sense category (as i noted in my booklog for one of them, there's no way you can convince me you are running for your life and terrified if you're thinking about how hot the guy with you is and how much his touch turns you on -- just does not work for me). I don't read these often -- I try one out every now and then at someone's recommendation mostly to see if they've changed. They haven't. Even the paranormals are the same old stupid crap only with a vampire or were-something or other character instead of it all being plain vanilla humans.

And there were more than a few forced on me in college. Thank god that's over. :P

[Cindi in CO]

I hated The Tommyknockers, loathed it. I threw away each page as i finished reading it.

Oh God, me too.

[Random Michelle]

There are some others, but most of them fall into the sexy romance with a plot but with the sexy part not making sense category (as i noted in my booklog for one of them, there's no way you can convince me you are running for your life and terrified if you're thinking about how hot the guy with you is and how much his touch turns you on -- just does not work for me). I don't read these often -- I try one out every now and then at someone's recommendation mostly to see if they've changed. They haven't. Even the paranormals are the same old stupid crap only with a vampire or were-something or other character instead of it all being plain vanilla humans.

One of the things I hate about half the supernatural fantasy I read is the gratuitous boinking.

I've managed to find several series that either don't have boinking or have a minimum of boinking, if you still are interested in supernatural fantasy.

[cicely]

(*perking up ears*)

Supernatural fantasy series (plural?!?) without gratuitous, kinky-weird sex? Please, tell me more!

[Random Michelle]

(*perking up ears*)

Supernatural fantasy series (plural?!?) without gratuitous, kinky-weird sex? Please, tell me more!

Well... (looks around computer room where the fantasy books are kept)

Magic Bites and then Magic Burns by Ilona Andrews has romantic tension and Hawt men, but no boinking yet
Patricia Brigg's "Moon Called" "Blood Bound" and "Iron Kissed" is a fantastic series. One of my current favorites.
Jim Butcher's Harry Dresden series has some boinking towards the start of the series, but it gets better.
Unshapely Things and Unquiet Dreams by Mark del Franco are boink free so far (and good to boot)
Simon Green's Nightside series, starting with "Something from the Nightside" is really dark but really good, and boink free.
Jane Lindskold's has written some books that aren't quite supernatural fantasy, but are excellent. Brother to Dragons, Companion to Owls is a relatively short book, while Child of a Rainless Year is a full length novel. Both are excellent.
Robin McKinley's Sunshine is simply amazing.
Rob Thurman's Nightlife, followed by Moonshine and then Madhouse are boink free for the first two books, then there is off screen boinking in the third. She's an automatic pre-order for me I am enjoying that series so much.
Carrie Vaughan's Kitty series has boinking, but it's not overwhelming
F. Paul Wilson's Repairman Jack series, starting with the Tomb, has occasional boinking, but you hardly notice it.
Elizabeth Bear's New Amsterdam is more steampunk than supernatural fantasy, but still excellent.
Liz William's Snake Agent and The Demon and the City are also fantastic.

If I was going to recommend my favorite series? Liz Willaims or Patricia Briggs. But really they're all fun reads.

[cicely]

I'll have to check some of those out. Thanks!

[justin]

Watch on the Rhine by John Ringo. Hyper-right-wing military wankfest, explicitly written to illustrate the message "The Muslims are coming to eat our babies!"

This one is part of his Posleen series, where aliens that are literally flesh-eating (we're food to them) are invading Earth in large numbers. In Germany, a new rejuvenation process allows the Chancellor to take the few remaining survivors of the old Nazi SS, rejuvenate them, and create a new SS in all their pure warrior glory. Aside from the incredibly heavy handed allegory to the War on Terror, it's an apologia for the SS. And the German Greens stand in for everyone to the left of overt fascists as they trip over one another, racing to betray humanity to the aliens.

As I said in my review of the book on Amazon:

There are no moral qualms or questions about the necessity or wisdom of resurrecting the SS, just a "with us or agin us" depiction of various fates.

In the afterward, where Ringo and his co-author repeat in words with few syllables the message that no one missed in the first 300 pages of articulating it, they repeat some of their early discussions about how the left can get what it deserves: "Can we hang 'em? No drop?" "Oh, alright..."

[LadyAurora]

I am going to have to second the Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norell book. I traded it to the used bookstore the day after I got it and tried to read it. Horrifying book, and my boyfriend was shocked I did it, because I try to give every book that comes in to my library a chance.

[Rob Wright]

All the "new" Dune books from Brian Herbert and Kevin J. Anderson, they are just BAD! in every way.

Rob

[justin]

All the "new" Dune books from Brian Herbert and Kevin J. Anderson, they are just BAD! in every way.

Rob

QFT

[aproustian]

Heh, I really enjoyed Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell...but I'd been fair warned that nothing happened for a long time (although by the end of the book you realize that things have been happening the whole time, you just don't see why they're important at first). I found it a soothing read.

To each his/her own, obviously.